DEFCON 23: Putting the Confidence in "Con"

I left DEFCON last year wondering how I could give back. This year, I realized that I've always been giving back.

I almost skipped DEFCON 23. I lost my means of support in May and my savings is running out. The wise thing would have been to stay home. But I justified how I should throw caution to the wind and find the means to go, and I'm so glad I did. DEFCON never disappoints.

Highlights of my DC23 experience: 

• Brought my own phonograph so I could listen to the badge
• Helped run the first-year Biohacking Village
• Socialized and made new friends and contacts
• Networked and pursued job opportunities (this is how I justified the expense)
• Enjoyed Queercon 12 events and Queercon's sweet badge
• Attended the Telephreak party

But the real highlight wasn't any single event; it was something I carried within me through the series of mind-blowing events that made up DEFCON. It really is all about "what you bring to the party." This is such a huge ridiculous lifecoachy cliché… but you don't really grok these tidbits of wisdom until you've experienced certain angles of life and succeeded at taking the right kinds of risks.

For the last few years, I've been developing social confidence. These are skills I've been trying to learn my whole life, but confidence cannot be taught. It can only be learned. There is no secret recipe, and describing my path to this point would fill it's own blog post. But I can distill the core of what I've learned into simple phrase:

You have something to give.

Once you grok this concept, not just on the surface, but on a deep level, it becomes easily to have faith in your strengths and talents. Then the social confidence just follows. 

I've come a long way since my first DEFCON in the Riv eight years ago (technically the linked write-up is from my second DEFCON), from my "I'm not worthy to be here!" outlook to the spunk and swagger I have today. 

I couldn't talk myself out of the fear of being a poser. I had to learn by doing.

One way to convince yourself that you have something to give is to start giving. Take a leap of faith and do things, make stuff, help people. Don't be down on yourself about how you're not smart enough or your efforts aren't good enough. You'd be amazed at how little you have to do or know to get involved. It's a lot of work to do all the cool things that happen in the world, and as I learned, even contributing a couple of hours of menial labor is far more than most people contribute, and even small gestures will make you stand out and open up new opportunities for learning, growth, and connection.

My big project this year, which took very little time or effort, was helping put on the first Biohacking Village. 

Similar to computer hacking, "biohacking" is subverting biology to do something other than what was originally "intended." Which is a pretty broad umbrella that includes implantables, biomolecular computing, bioinformatics, gene hacking, nootropics, transhumanism, medical device hacking, sense hacking, neurodiversity, bioethics, and lots more. 

And a "village" at DEFCON is an area set aside for a focused topic, where attendees can hear talks and get hands on. Other villages include the Lockpicking Village, Tamper Evident Village, Social Engineering Village, Hardware Hacking Village, etc.

Example village: Car hacking!
(Near Biohacking Village)

Why is biohacking important and why does it belong at DEFCON? Because biohacking is now where the Homebrew Computer Club was in 1975. Right now the future Steve Jobs and Bill Gates of the biotech world are sitting in their garages splicing genes to make bioluminescent e. coli. They are designing injectable RFID chips. They are building prosthetics with 3D printers. They are trying to clone dinosaurs. In 10, 20, or 30 years, this question will sound as ignorant as, "What's the point in building an Altair 8800? It doesn't even do anything." (Historical fact: It didn't even do anything.)

Biohacking belongs at DEFCON for three reasons:

1. The intersection of computer tech and biotech is pretty vast. And that intersection will grow. 
2. Securing biotech ought to be a huge concern to hackers of all kinds. 
3. There are of course other cons dedicated to biohacking, like Body Hax Con. But they're brand new. We've learned a lot about technology ethics in the last 40 years. Youngsters who are starting biotech exclusively from the biology side really need our guidance so they don't accidentally destroy all of mankind with their magical wizard powers.

Awkward Diagram
Note: It's not just "computer hacking"
DEFCON is traditionally about all kinds of hacking on electrons.

I myself am not a biohacker (unless you count the work I've done to reverse engineer mind control). I just have a strong interest in what is going on in the field. But that's my point – don't disqualify yourself because you haven't done the thing or don't know the stuff. You still have something to give. 

Even with my lack of experience, I contributed by giving input on the BHV mailing list over the year, and at DEFCON, and I stood at the booth for a few hours answering low-level questions for the hundreds of people that stopped by. I don't have to grow human ears on mice or give myself nightvision to contribute much-needed efforts towards bringing people together and getting DEFCON attendees excited about biohacking. 

Presence can earn some pretty sweet cred. Fangirl or fanboy enthusiasm can itself be a superpower. 

The village was a huge success. We just had the one small booth in the contest room, a handful of demos, and nine talks. Oh, and a pretty sweet logo! WTF on that amazing logo?? It was enough to get the word out and get tons of people introduced to and excited about this grand new thing called biohacking.

One of the most frequently asked questions I got at the booth was, "What about implants?" We had one speaker, Alex Smith, who performed an RFID implant right at our table. I caught it on video:

And as an example of where tech meets bio, Scott Novich had his vibrovest there. It takes sound input and converts it to tactile sensations along the torso, with the primary purpose of helping deaf people sense sound kinetically. But it could be put to many other sense-hacking uses, for instance, it could transform other information, like direction, weather patterns, or wifi signal strength, into a tactile sense. Our brains are extremely robust and can wire to understand any sense we give it, so we're just dipping our toes into the ocean of potential with these kinds of devices.

We've got huge plans for the village for next year, including the possibility of creating a living badge. I'll be even more involved, heading up the CFP process to select speakers for talks, demos, and labs. (Just so you know who to buy beer for. (Just kidding bribery is bad kids! (Plus I don't like beer, but I do like Chartreuse…))) I'm really excited.

Stay safe, kids!

I missed all but three talks. In the beginning, I caught one on hiring in infosec, and two biohacking talks at the end.  (All Biohacking Village talks will be available on video in the near future.) This was somewhat due to the massive crowding on the Paris side of the venue, and somewhat due to a conscious decision to watch the talks online later so I could spend more time doing what can only be done at DEFCON: Socializing.

Since I avoided the Paris-side, I missed seeing a lot of familiar faces, which, in addition to the new venue, made it kind of weirdly not-DEFCON. But I have no regrets. 

My complete review of the new venue:
Paris came equipped with these sweet internet telephones!

Troubleshooting The Broken Meritocracy

In my writeup last year, I promised I'd do a separate writeup of the problems that occurred during the Diversity Panel at DC22. I still have the notes for this post, and I even had a very long and productive email conversation with Priest, who was involved in that panel. Because of the huge upheavals in my life this year, I never got around to writing it, which is too bad, because it's probably too late now. That ship has perhaps sailed. However, the entire experience was illustrative of many of the dynamics in our community, of how well-meaning attempts to help women and minorities to feel welcome and safe can backfire, and some of the reasons why. Priest was really cool about everything, open to listening, and sincerely concerned. I think our community has much to learn from all aspects of the experience. 

I may still do that writeup, even though at this point, the whole thing might be moot. 

My own personal experience of being a woman at DEFCON this year was awesome. Much improved. I personally had no issues. I felt treated well and respected for my intelligence. I never once felt like I had to prove that I belonged there, even to total strangers I had just met at parties. I never felt mansplained to. Flirtation occurred, but in the right venues (parties) and with an air of respect and equal footing, and not to the exclusion of interest in my actual intelligence. A few men expressed concern and awareness of the difficulties I might be facing, saying things like, "I hope you've been treated okay at this con." 

Education campaigns and social justice activism clearly seem to be helping. 

Equality, at long last!

Huge kudos to Dark Tangent, and to specific Goons I've spoken with who have expressed concern and willingness to change DEFCON for the better. (I would name them but I'm not sure they want to be named.) I've said all along that, unlike certain other cons *cough*PAX*cough* DEFCON has handled the various controversies incredibly well: Rather than making public shows of issues and getting defensive, they've been receptive to complaints and even proactively reached out for feedback. All conversations about the incidents occur in private, and then the following year, those incidents do not recur. No public drama, no firestorms, no hurtful pseudo-apologies. 

That said, this was just my own experience, my perception of a general trend towards improvement, and that doesn't necessarily mean everything is fixed. If you did have an issue, I encourage you to reach out to DEFCON Goons privately and let them know. They really will handle it well. If they are ignorant of why a thing is an issue, they will listen. It may take some patience in explaining it to them, but they honestly and legit want to know how to improve. And reach out to me personally if you're uncertain. I'm not a goon, but I'll encourage and support you and give you advice. I know how scary it can be.

At least through my little lens, it feels like DEFCON culture is improving in how it treats women, and hopefully in how it treats other marginalized classes. Way to go and more of this!

<soapbox> 

I did have one quibble however on the social justice front: just one more little way our community can improve. This is a cultural issue, involving a word I heard over and over, coming from a wide variety of really nice and smart people. I winced each time I heard it, but I didn't have the courage to argue with anyone. (The "You're too sensitive!" backlash does have a cost, which I am sometimes unwilling to pay.) I realize it's a bit passive aggressive to mention it here without saying it to people's faces, especially since I personally know some of the people who used it, but I'm a big chicken IRL. So here goes: 

This word is "retarded" or variants thereof. I know it's a cool edgy way to talk about how unintelligent something or someone is, but those who use it do not understand its history or realize that the person they're talking to (me) falls into a class that is, to this day, marginalized, bullied, and institutionally abused through the use of this word. I have Asperger's, which is a type of autism. And before you say, "Well, we don't mean that kind of autism!"... just stop. You're digging your hole deeper. You're smart. Go educate yourself. If you don't, you basically sound like this guy, only about autism rather than computers. I've got some links in this paragraph, and you know how google works. Or ask me. (I don't want to make this post too long explaining on this rant.) There are lots of sources of why this word is hurtful. And FYI? Yes, I do feel hurt when I hear this word, and no, I'm not being too sensitive. And no, my request is not censorship.

Ancient history, at this point,
according to the Washington Post.

We're not 14 anymore and this isn't IRC. We can prove our intelligence by the words we say and the things we do, not by using slurs to put others down. We've ended the flippant use of the word "gay" at DEFCON as a pejorative. Now can we stop saying the "R" word? 

</soapbox>

DEFCON Badge, Badge, Badge, Badge MUSHROOM MUSHROOM!

I didn't get very involved in the badge challenge this year. I did, however, bring a record player. I'd seen on Twitter Wednesday that the badge was a record (yes, a record), and my housemate happened to have a portable USB-compatible phonograph, so I brought it on my Thursday morning flight. This made a wonderful icebreaker for me on the first day. (After that, no one cared.) Using my phonograph, I was able to upload the audio to YouTube for your convenience, so you can listen right now. (Side B's track was a recording of the ever-hot DualCore singing Hack All the Things)

It's just like streaming.. only.. more groovy.

A brief mention of the ultra-hot über badge this year.  Rather than re-describe it, I'll link to someone else's description. I grew up in Richland, WA, with a chem engineer dad who worked for a government contractor, and I worked as an intern on the Hanford Nuclear Reservation, and my favorite con (DEFCON is my second) is RadCon, so all this radiation stuff is basically comfort food for me. 

Photo credit: Japan Times
Because I fail at taking pix when I'm chatting with LoST.

Warm, so warm.

I fiddled with the badge challenge as I had time Thursday, but I really didn't want to go too far down the rabbit trail, because I needed to focus on being social. Solving things and chatting confidently with people about a wide range of topics takes a different spline set, so I resisted the call.

I'm pretty sure this has something to do with the badge challenge.

But if you'd like to see the solution, here is a write up. And another. (There was a wiki but it appears to have been deleted.) 

Queue the Flava Flave jokes.

A lot of people complained about the unwieldiness of this year's badge, but I enjoyed hacking the lanyard, and eventually eschewing the lanyard altogether. I also enjoyed seeing other people's badge hacks. And counterfeit badges were hilarious, like the guy with a paper plate with "HUMAN" written on it. Kids these days don't know what old tech looks like, and this record gave them some exposure to the ancient roots of the hacking community...

The famed "gauntlet hack"
(spotted at barcon)

...Like the Telephreak Badge

Q: How do you tell a phreak?
A: By all the telepwns!

I think at this point, I can officially qualify as a DEFCON Badge Fangirl (is there a badge for that?)

Last year I scored a sweet Telephreak pager, 

...and then wrote about it, which means this year I scored a l33t Telephreak press badge. This orange piece of plastic has little plastic coins in denominations of 25, 10, and 5, and a working rotary dial. To those kids who didn't know what a "record" was, you might also love to learn that this badge is fashioned after an archaic device we once called a "payphone," into which one placed quarters so we could "call someone who cares," as the flamers put it. Now get off my lawn.

This plastic replica represents a significant piece of hacker history, so if you want to be truly l33t, go google Captain Crunch with your advanced "search engine."

Authentic voice-only "phone"
used by nomads in prehistoric times.

It would be truly sweet if someone could hack this badge into a working phone, but I settled for my own little badge hack. The manufacturer's plan for the coin drawer was a literal gaping hole, through which the coins would simply fall out under the force of gravity. Hard to make money from a payphone with that design! Ever one to defy "laws" like "gravity," I violated the EULA and improved on the original by adding a door using found materials. I even added an authentic easy-to-pick tubular lock, just like a real payphone! (And just about as secure!)

"Press" *69

Sadly, this did not protect my coins well enough, because both dimes got shaken out in the flight home, and they seem to be lost forever. Lessons learned.

The Telephreak pager also operated this year, and for some reason, the battery seemed to have more life over last year, even though, to my knowledge, I received no firmware updates. Not really sure what was up with that insane magic! 

Swanky.
(Faces digitally blurred to protect the "innocent.")

Telephreak party was pretty sweet, as usual. I listened to a couple of lightning talks, but mostly I wanted to talk to people, and talk I did. I met new people, reacquainted myself with people I already knew, and even got a little emotional support from someone I'd met last year. (Thanks, man!) The Telephreak party is a great environment for me, because I want just enough alcohol to make me socially fluid, and I want relatively quiet rooms packed with cool, intelligent, talkative people who want to listen to me rant on esoteric topics. Telephreak provides all of this in a swanky environment that makes me feel like I paid a million bucks to be there.

Queercon 12

Thanks to the larger DEFCON venue, Queercon made it's way back onsite, with a constant presence during the whole con. In addition to their kickin' Friday night pool party with the bright lights and body-throbbing music we've come to expect, they had a suite in the Jubilee tower, for packed afternoon mixer parties, and a Saturday night low-key sit-and-chat party. The rest of the time, the suite was open as a safe space to relax and chill out for a little peace and quiet. They provided free coffee and breakfast munchies daily. 

I kind of wish there'd been more women and gender non-binaries like myself there, but I've got no problem with hanging out with cis gay men. They're so adorbs. I took refuge in there a couple of times when I needed an introvert's recharge, and I enjoyed the parties as well.

They also had a few talks in the suite, though I only attended one. Which brings us to the Queercon badge… 

Badges? We don't need no stinkin...
Ok yeah, this joke is too old.

…did I mention I'm a badge fangirl?

So first, I had a badge reserved for me because of my writeup last year. Honestly, one of the reasons I decided to splurge and go to DEFCON against the wishes of the financial advisor who lives in my brain was the personal invite from both Queercon and Telephreak prior to the con, and their mutual expressed disappointment that I could not make it. Never underestimate how small gestures of inclusion can make people feel appreciated and important, and again, never underestimate the value of your contributions, however small, to help build community. These actions and reactions create a virtuous cycle that uplifts everyone involved.

"Press" any key to continue.
As long as it's L, G, B, T, Q, A, I, or +!

At any case, I had a personal invite to the Queercon kickoff party Thursday night. I arrived at their offsite location at Palms Place, to discover I was not only on the invite list, but as a VIP! Flattered and honored. The kickoff party was a great way to spend my first night at DEFCON, with good drinks, friends, and conversations with new folk in a beautiful setting. 

Pix. Cos it happened.

And the badge. Oh this badge. Last year's QC badge astounded as a feat of modern engineering, but this year's topped even that! 

As you can see, it is an egg-shaped pair of circuit boards, separated by spacers, with a living digital creature dancing on a 0.96" OLED display. If that's not colorful enough for you, there are five multicolored LEDs around the inside, to generate eye-dazzling effects at various times.

How is babby formed?

The creature on the badge starts out as a "baby," an adorable blob that dances and plays. (The baby grows up after a rumored 12-hours.) Three buttons allow you to cycle through the functions, which include, "Play," "Set Name," and "ASL?"

Also works in "upside down" mode,
shown here.*
(*image not to scale)

The badge communicates with other badges via a RF chip which is an improvement on last year's IR interface. Line-of-sight interactions were difficult previously, and in contrast, this badge picked up easily on the presence of other badges. 

In the spirit of "badge sex" featured in previous badges, the "Play" function sets off all nearby badges, forcing them to also "play," causing their lights to blink and their character to dance around. Babies could not play with adults, thus preventing any interactions of questionable legality.

By day two, all of our badges had grown up. Each badge had been programmed with six different heads, torsos, and feet, which could be combined in 80 different character designs. Mine was a octo-robo-bear, with lovely wonderful tentacles for feet. They couldn't have picked a better character to give me. 

The Über Badges (there were 13), were black and had their own unique characters not built from the parts of other monsters.

We could "befriend" one another, which involved clicking "Befriend" at the same time another person did so. We discovered through trial and error that friending could only happen one-on-one.. You could non-consensually play with a large group of people, but the more intimate function of friending was rather mononormative.

The devilish plans
of the mononormative agenda.

The "ASL?" feature allowed you to look at your stats: How many other badges had you seen, how many übers? How many people had you befriended? Who were your faves (which badges did you hang out with the most?) And which achievements had you unlocked? 

Yes, there were achievements, for things like attending specific events, making a certain number of friends, and sleeping with your Fave. (This achievement involves putting your badge into sleep mode at the same time as your fave, in proximity of your fave, and leaving it in sleep mode for 30 minutes. There was some debate at the badge talk about whether 30 minutes is long enough… as the only vocal woman present, I disagreed. A half-hour is definitely not long enough.)

Some of the features were a little buggy, and I didn't get credit for a few things, like for all the über badges I saw, or for going to the badge talk. Since I'm an achievement completionist, it bugs me a little bit (get it, bugs?) but that's my own psychosis, so I'll deal with it. Probably through medications and therapy.

Cables and wires and stuff.
They hold in the magic "smoke."
See how the display has come loose?
The fix is described below.
(Hint: Glue)

One achievement I missed due to my own failure, so I deserve it. Two of each character-combo existed, leading to the achievements "Find your twin" and "Befriend your twin." I apparently was in the same room with my twin at one of the packed mixers, but I did not seek them out.

The badge came in a sweet box with l33t stickers and a lanyard and a pin. (I used the pin to hack my DEFCON badge to make it a wearable technology.) Total cost of the badge, including the swag that went with the badge, but not including labor to design and build it, was over $100 per badge. There were 175 badges created, but one was destroyed beyond repair, so only 174 are in circulation. 

It is QC's intent to keep badges scarce because clearly they understand psychology, that the rarity of a thing builds interest. This is a true fact of mind control and persuasion of the masses. So good social hack, guys! :D

Another feature is the "flag" which makes all the lights go all rainbow. There are a number of big gay flags, including bi, trans, ally, leather, and bear. I had a hard time choosing between bi and trans, but it turns out they're almost the same colorset. How very convenient for me.

The badge does have a cheat mode, and here is the secret: 

1. Go to "Set Name," and choose it.
2. Hold down the left button until the lights blink and it says, "Enter a cheat code, you wascally wabbit."
3. Whatever you do, do not hold down the middle button instead of the left button. It turns on one of the green LEDs and locks up the device and summons a demon. (The demon is invisible.)
4. Enter the cheat code.
5. Hold down the middle button until pretty lights flash. If red lights flash, you have entered an invalid cheat code. (This also unsummons the demon.)

Cheat codes include: 

• "R2L" and "L2R" - mirrors and unmirrors the screen
• "SMILE" and "FROWN" - makes you happy / sad
• "BABY" and "MOMMA" - turns you into a baby / enables "grow up"
• "BANNER" - enables flags and removes flag cooldown starting with the next use
• "FFS" - enables flags
• "BANDW" and "WANDB" - inverts the screen colors
• "TITULAR" - enables title selection. Go to the ASL screen, and you should be able to choose from your unlocked titles.
• "WOOF" and "MEOW" - enables/disables "puppy mode"

If you have one of these badges, protip: The display can come loose. Just glue it down. You will also want to add some dollups of glue to the corners (as shown) to prevent these from catching, breaking, and damaging the screen itself.

Glue that shit down.

Official full technical details on the badge here.

Queercon 12 Pool Party
Still the best party at DEFCON

Overall, I've got to hand it to Queercon. When I first started coming to DEFCON eight years ago, "gay" was still a common pejorative in the hacker/geek community, and homophobia still ran rampant. Queercon established the LGBT presence within the hacker community as a cool crowd that people wanted to be associated with in a positive way. Moreover, they created a space that was safe, not just for LGBT folks, but allies and others. Rather than directly confront the homophobia, the QC folks stepped in and changed the stigma. This is an effective persuasion strategy, one which I think other marginalized groups ought to emulate. 

Couldn't have said it better myself.

Social Justice Hacker Slacker

I say the above with some hypocrisy, because people like Tarah Wheeler Van Vlack and others have been making similar efforts for women at DEFCON, and I've not participated with my fullest efforts. Yeah, I'm a total slacker. In my defense, I've got my other causes I'm championing. 

Infosec Unlocked had a party, which I did attend, and there was also a "W" Hacker Women's Party, which alas, I missed due to my personal failings at being able to comprehend physical space and the relentless passage of time.

I at least support these efforts in spirit. If anyone says that X class of people should stop complaining and actually do something, please know that X class of people probably are already making various efforts. Just because someone is complaining doesn't mean they aren't also building something and effecting change hands-on. Complaining has its place, as does doing. Thumbs up for all of that. And keep in mind that the ability to not have to worry about these sorts of issues, so you can spend time on lots of other fun projects, is itself a privilege.

Anyway, if Queercon can do it, so are we!

Other Parties

A quick shout out to the 303 Party, which was awesome. Great food, loud music, strong drinks, and opportunities for conversation. We can always count on DC303 to make a party happen.

The DC303 party jumped the shark!
(And the shark twerked back.)

And a shout out to barcon, the con that moves to casino bars after all the parties have died a drunken death. 

And to the DC949 guys, who, in a stroke of brilliance, decided that rather than throw a party, they should just take the party with them onto the con floor! They're the ones with the brightly-colored LED biohazard backpacks plus magic music-making speaker things. At some point late Friday night, long after the parties, when barcon had begun to grow stale, I found myself dancing behind them, through the streets of Paris, as they led con-goers with their spell, like rats or children following the Pied Piper through Hamelin. 

Artist's depiction of the DC949 "party"

We ended up in some room, after which, I believe someone stole and returned an electric scooter, the sun came up, and incidents occurred. Not necessarily in that order.

Abandoned barcon area over at the Rio. Ah, memories.
Uh, I don't remember how I got to the Rio,
but this pic is on my phone, so.

Speaking of music, the DEFCON 23 Soundtrack is as cool as ever, but this year even more cool than ever because it is conveniently on Spotify! No more will you have to place the round plastic disk (no, not a record silly; a "CD") into a "player" you no longer own! Now, through the magic of streaming, you can listen to DEFCON wherever and whenever you please. This is an activity I am presently doing, while simultaneously writing this post. It's a DEFCON miracle. (Nevertheless, please donate to the EFF – they are keeping your hacker ass free! FREEDOM!)

If you prefer Pandora, you are flat out of luck, because, what are you still doing on Pandora, grampa??

The End is the Beginning is the End

The true hacker spirit is DIY geekery. To harp on the theme of my previous DEFCON write-ups, get involved! Do stuff! L33tness isn't granted only on the ordained by the Gods of Über, and it isn't even a state of mind. It's a gumption to go out there and do something. This attitude merely requires a little bit of confidence and a dash of bravery. It does not require mythical mad skills that only "other" people have. You can acquire the mad skills, or *surprise!* you may already have the certain mad skills that you are currently undervaluing because those things seem so easy to you.

That's my new insight this year: I thought I wasn't involved in DEFCON. But I was! All these years, I've been doing the thing that comes naturally – doing the easy thing that's fun for me to do, so I discounted my own contributions.

The spirit of turkey is within us all.

Other people apparently have found my DEFCON write-ups useful. Writing isn't hacking. Not by any stretch of the imagination. But it's something I'm good at. I let my enthusiasm shine through a comfortable medium. 

After doing write-ups each year, more and more people noticed, which opened doors to new opportunities, which enabled me to learn new skills and participate in other ways.

So here's my advice this time around:

Do what comes easy, what you love, keep doing it even if it might not seem cool or seem like it matters. If it's easy for you, it may be tempting to think it's easy for others, and therefore not valuable.

But that's bullcrud! If it's easy for you, that means it's probably fun, and it means you're talented and skilled at it. The thing you're good at might actually be really difficult for others, or you might do it in a way no one's ever thought of doing it before. In a DIY culture, that contribution will probably be worth something to someone eventually. Solder and coding are all the rage right now, but there's a place at DEFCON for all types. Lockpicking wasn't always a thing. Hardware hacking wasn't always a thing. There wasn't always a place for artists. So what's your thing? Can you tie it in to hacking and make it a thing? 

So long, and thanks for all these t-shirts.

That is the key advantage of hacker culture. The outside world sees little value in your efforts and weird hobbies. But at DEFCON, we're all huge nerds with obsessions for activities that mainstreamers see as meaningless. There's a good chance that someone will appreciate your passion for what it is.

And you will eventually (not right away) be noticed and appreciated. It will unlock doors into friendships and new connections, more opportunities, more chances for conversations and fun, and exposure to learning new things.

This advice applies not just at DEFCON, but to other communities, too. Over time, as you experience more positive feedback for what you've done, it can, eventually, build your confidence and defeat your Impostor Syndrome.

So start out with the easy stuff. Follow your passion and your curiosity. Experiment, don't be afraid to fail, and by blundering around, you will find your niche.

And most of all, realize that you, too, have something to give. Let's see what you've got.

Benny, Joon, & Me: An Autism Movie Takes On Ableism & Soundly Defeats It

In 1993, my 19 year old brain latched on to a movie character and wouldn't let go. Now in 2015, I rewatched to find out why. 

In 1993 autism was considered a rare condition that was little understood. Few English-speaking mental health professionals had even heard of its higher-functioning form, Asperger Syndrome, because it wouldn't be in the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistics Manual) for another year.

Nevertheless, writers and actors excel at capturing the human spirit. That year, a movie came out that accurately depicted high-functioning autism and directly combated ableism (harmful beliefs about disabled people) in unambiguous terms.

Benny & Joon is unique. How often are two disabled people allowed to fall in love with each other on the big screen? This may be the only autistic romance movie in existence.

If you are autistic, Benny & Joon offers validation, empowerment, and positive self-image. If you know an autistic adult or child, this movie should add depth to your understanding of them. And if you never expect to meet an autist, well, statistics are against you, but at least watch it to have your heart warmed and your awareness expanded.

It saddens me, however, that certain critics somehow found Benny & Joon problematic. Throughout this post, I will directly answer the points made by one of these reviews. 

Spoiler warning: This review reveals plot points and thematic arcs, but don't worry. The formulaic storyline is already somewhat predictable; the joy is in seeing it played out on screen by interesting characters. You might even enjoy it more by having this autistic lens to view it through.

Why My Brain Latched On and Wouldn't Let Go

When I first saw this movie, I didn't know that 18 years later I would be diagnosed with Aspergers. But my subconscious knew that Joon was like me. I loved Joon. I admired her. I related to her. 

I identified with her odd little mannerisms, and knew that, deep down, I wanted to hold the same flat affect on my face and make those jerky, birdlike motions. Her descriptions of the world mirrored my own strange ways of thinking. Her outbursts and unusual speech patterns reflected an inner persona I was holding at bay, like I had this little bit of crazy locked up inside that escaped sometimes when no one was looking. 

Shortly after seeing the movie the first time, I had a dream. It was of a blond girl, dressed in gray, running nimbly along the top of a castle wall. When she reached the peak, she jumped. 

And I awoke.

I knew instantly that she was inspired by Joon. There was this deep sense that the girl was incredibly smart and talented, and yet she was also mentally immature, restricted, and damaged in some way.

It inspired a novella I wrote about a princess kidnapped into slavery, and her will is beaten out of her. She is rescued in adulthood, but never lost her stunted naiveté juxtaposed against a keen mental acuity. 

When I finished writing, I realized it was an autobiography: a metaphorical account of my own abuse by teachers and peers, an allegory of the way the world misunderstood me and of all the messages from a world that told me I was crazy and broken.

I even borrowed a few decorating tips from Joon.
Colored bottles, knickknacks, brightly colored wispy fabrics.
This is basically my room.

Looking back, I can see just how validating this movie was, and how beneficial it was to my own development. 

Movies like these give millions of undiagnosed autists something to connect to and a way to feel valued when the rest of the world is marginalizing us for being different.

Evidence of Autism

The movie refers to Joon simply as "mentally ill", and doesn't comment at all on Sam's condition. In 1993, "mentally ill" might have been the only diagnosis available for a high-functioning autist. So we're left to speculate.  

The most common armchair diagnosis I've seen online (aside from autism) is that Joon is schizophrenic, and that Sam is "quirky". Perhaps this is because autists are often not thought to be capable of creativity, and since Joon is a painter, she must be schizophrenic? 

So much creationizing!
And paintifying! Look at all that paintifying!

Misconceptions like this pervade both society and the medical community, which is one reason it took me so long to look into Aspergers for myself. Like Joon, I was merely "quirky" with a tendency towards "mental illness" that I kept under wraps. 

So let's clear up the misconceptions. 

Autism traits tend to vary widely from person to person, some even manifesting in opposite ways. Many traits haven't been studied and are not part of official diagnostic manuals. When you read about autism long enough and learn about some of the root causes (like sensory processing issues), you start to notice patterns.

Let's consider Sam first. Here are his autistic traits that jumped out quite starkly:

• Special interest in movies, particularly old movies, particular the silent-film comedian, Buster Keaton.
• Twenty-six years old, with no job, living with relatives, and not functionally literate.
• "Spends all day polishing forks," according to his cousin.
• Struggles with his literacy issues when applying for a job.
• An unorthodox thinker in nearly every regard.

Joon's list is longer; she's on screen more.

• Sudden outbursts, bad enough to chase away housekeepers (aka caregivers).
• Needs things to be just right or she has an "episode".
• Picky about housekeepers. Joon rejects them for a long list of imperfections. One committed sins of metaphor, and another, "her hair smelled". These indicate sensory processing issues and a need for certainty and literalism.
• Seems comforted when she's painting. 
• Particular about food.
• Wears a helmet when riding in the car.
• Shows deep creativity and intelligence but no one takes her seriously.
• Fascinated with fire (for similar reasons why some autists are fascinated by water – watching the flow and movement).
• Doesn't get along with peers (according to her doctor).
• "Her stress level is always a factor in her display of symptoms," according to her doctor.
• Gets hung up on moral details which results in outbursts of anger (moral rigidity).
• "Her routine is everything to her," Benny describes to Sam.
• Notable stimming (self-stimulation, like rocking or shaking a leg) when she's nervous.
• Talks to herself. At some point Benny says that she hears voices, but as it's depicted on screen, it could easily be echolalia, or repetitive vocal stimming.
• Nearly has a meltdown when Sam plays loud rock music (sensory processing). She takes away his radio. Later, she has trouble articulating the experience, particularly what she was seeing and hearing, which indicates that her verbal skills are conditional.
• Kicks Sam out for "cleaning the house." Probably because her things got moved — highly anxiety-producing for many autists.

She has other traits which are more difficult to describe. For instance, she may have a form of synesthesia, which is common in autists, as evidenced by a scene in which she describes how the raisins in her pudding must feel emotionally. Many autists sense that objects have personalities, either to a mild or extreme degree.

There are only two times when she breaks with autistic behavior. 

STOP: Not typical autistic behavior.

At one point, she stands in the middle of the street and "directs traffic" with a ping pong paddle, and acts totally detached from reality. To be very clear, this is not something a typical autist would do, but might be more in line with schizophrenia or bipolar in a hyper-manic phase. 

In another scene, she melts down on a bus in a high-stress situation. Initially, her behavior is in line with an autistic meltdown (including rocking and hand flapping). But as the tension heightens, she becomes paranoid. Such behavior could stem from an extreme meltdown, but not typically.

These exceptions can be explained either by comorbidities (other conditions that occur alongside autism), or as necessary additions to drive the plot. 

A Positive Portrayal

Autistic people are capable of love, happiness, creativity, and agency.

Overall, the film portrays autism in a positive and realistic light, neither overly glorifying it, nor bemoaning our miserable fate. It grapples with real issues that autists and our caregivers or family must face, and manages to frame it in a light-hearted comedy. The theme comes across strongly and can be summarized in this sentence: 

"Disabled people have the right to make their own choices."

The movie represents autists as human and promotes neurodiversity, highlighting the value we can provide to ourselves and those around us, even to those might otherwise see us as useless burdens.

Moreover, Benny & Joon: 

• depicts autists as capable of love and deserving of a love life; 
• depicts autists as capable of happiness, even when we're not "productive" by societal standards; 
• portrays a loving sibling relationship with an autist, where her brother is (for the most part) good to her. (Contrast this to the sibling relationship in Rain Man.)

Romance

The romantic arc truly sets this film apart. It doesn't merely depict a successful autistic love relationship; it goes further, contrasting it to Benny's neurotypical romance with Ruthie.

Chemistry so powerful you can reach out and touch it.

Sam and Joon's chemistry is palpable — innocent and enchanting. They seem to communicate without words. Each seems to have finally found a kindred soul, and, though neither has any experience with love, they take their first steps with grace, with no hint of shame or self-consciousness.

In contrast, Benny and Ruthie's chemistry is awkward. Joon and Sam are far more socially capable (with each other) than the allistic (non-autistic) leads, who are constantly fumbling. Their barriers to love center around miscommunication and a lack of self-awareness. 

Things are just not coming together for these two.
These scenes are literally back to back.

This is a reversal of the standard expectations and it filled me with glee. It reminds viewers that allists can also be poor at social interactions and empathy, even with each other.

I often say that autism is characterized by extreme mental strengths and specializations juxtaposed against extreme mental deficits. Particularly sweet is how Joon and Sam's autistic extremes compliment one another, each filling in the void left by the other's weaknesses. 

In one scene, barely-literate Sam tries to write to his mother. Joon rewrites the letter with hyperlexic skill. 

One of the harsh realities of autism depicted here.
Writing is difficult for many on the spectrum,
whereas it comes easily to others, like me.

She's got problems of her own, though. For instance, she is sloppy and disorganized. He cleans the house with acute, almost obsessive, attention to detail. In spite of her initial distress, she warms to this pretty quickly.

Is Autism A "Disability"? Or A Difference In Cultures

The story argues for what many autists already believe: that most problems associated with autism aren't intrinsically caused by autism itself. They are more often caused by neurotypical expectations that autists are unable to meet, in an environment that is set up exclusively for neurotypical success. 

Every conflict Joon or Sam have is with the world, not with themselves or with each other. Individually, Joon is happy; Sam is happy. And they're happy together. 

All of their problems are caused by allists: the endless stream of housekeepers who can't get along with Joon, the doctor who wants to send Joon to a group home, and the overprotective brother who won't let her make her own choices. It's a world in which their talents — her art and Sam's performance comedy — aren't appreciated — at least not enough that anyone will give them a living wage. 

While Benny and Ruthie struggle to hook up, Joon and Sam progress blissfully and problem-free. No significant misunderstandings, no hidden defensiveness. You get the sense that if they could live on their own little planet, they'd be perfectly functional.

This is a sentiment expressed by many autists. We feel like we were born on the WrongPlanet. Our most distressing symptoms come from living in an allistic world trying to conform to a neurotypical culture.

The application process almost proves to be an unbeatable obstacle,
as it is for many on the spectrum. 

Sam eventually uses his expertise and passion for movies to get a job in a video store. Many autists struggle to feel like their idiosyncratic special interests are useful, but he figures out how to make a living at it. This isn't possible for all autists, but it's at least one role model in a world with none.

It sends a message to society: Don't underestimate us. We have skills. Maybe not the exact skills you want us to have, or we might be rough around the edges, but widen your view and you might be surprised. 

"Patronizingly Adorable" or Patronizingly Keeping Us In Our Place?

Not all reviewers agree with me. Carleen Tibbetts titled her feminist btchflcks.com review, "The Patronizingly 'Adorable' Side of Schizophrenia." As an autistic woman, I found her review patronizingly dismissive, condescending, and ignorant.

The author of the piece is bipolar, which makes her an authority on invisible disabilities in general, but it does not make her an authority on autism. Just to make it clear: being one neurotype does not make you an expert on other neurotypes. I live with a bipolar woman, a couple of OCDs, and another aspie. I'm careful to never assume their experience. 

Even though she concludes that Joon is autistic, Tibbetts insists on using the word "schizophrenic," as if the two neurotypes are interchangeable. It's frankly offensive… probably to schizophrenics, too.

Her lack of knowledge is revealed in a number of places. Most egregious is when she calls Joon's outbursts "tantrums", when she indicates that better meds might help with this and her "erratic behavior". Anyone familiar with ASD would call them "meltdowns," or at the very least, would use non-derogatory terms. They would also understand that, while some meds can help reduce anxiety and lower risk and severity of meltdowns, there is no medication currently that can treat the erratic behavior of autism. Many autists would resist taking such a med out of fear that it would change the very nature of who we are.

This? Is not a "tantrum."

"Tantrum" implies a childish, manipulative call for attention. In reality, a meltdown is a sensory overload that floods our brains with panic or emotional overwhelm, leaving us with little control over our bodies or speech. I tell people a meltdown is like an emotional seizure, and they should treat it like a medical problem. It's poor allyship to perpetuate this marginalizing stereotype.

Her review flies under the flag of false advocacy. Her outrage at Benny & Joon reminds me of the Derpy Hooves controversy, where parents of developmentally challenged children found the My Little Pony character offensive, and protested to get her edited out of the show. In contrast, the majority of actual autists felt personally attacked. A character we related to was made invisible by our supposed allies. By deleting Derpy, they deleted us.

Save Derpy

I dare you not to cry.

The organization Autism Speaks does the same thing in the name of autism advocacy. As does Ms. Tibbetts in this review.

These patronizing, chivalrous, well-meaning allies are Disability Ventriloquists, because they think we're dummies and they try to speak for us. We remain dehumanized, pawns without agency, moved around on the chessboard by whoever speaks for us the loudest. 

I am not your dummy.
#ActuallyAutistic

But I'd like to thank Ms. Tibbetts for being wrong, because she provides a good counterpoint for a detailed look at what this movie does right. 

Too Adorkable? Oh noes!

The Bitch Flicks review takes greatest issue with how Benny & Joon presents autism: 

"There is NOTHING 'adorable' about mental illness… [This movie] trivializes and downplays a serious, crippling disorder." 

Ahem. 

First, autism is not a "crippling disorder," which is a point made within the film itself when Benny repeatedly underestimates Joon's and Sam's capabilities. For Bitch Flicks to perpetuate this stereotype in the face of a film that attempts to dismantle it is the pinnacle of ablism.

Secondly, Benny & Joon is a comedy. Its job is making us laugh.

Nevertheless, the darker aspects of autism are explicitly portrayed. Benny's life is severely impacted by having to take care of his sister. Sam is grateful to sleep on Benny's couch because his cousin had him sleeping under the sink. Joon nearly burns the house down a couple of times. One of her meltdowns is so uncomfortably and realistically depicted on screen that tears came to my eyes. 

This living situation is an improvement over
sleeping under the sink.

Autistic life sucks, and this movie gives us glimpses of these harsh realities lurking there beneath the surface.

But life as an autist is awesome, too. We are quirky, fun-loving, talented. Yes, we can giggle and paint and be silly. When we're given full freedom to express ourselves, life is an absolute joy to live, both for us, and for our loved ones.

Should we be condemned to misery, even in fiction, because disabilities are Serious Business? Are we to only have depressing horror films made about us? Is neurotypical society only allowed to see what a burden we are, and how unredeemable and useless we are? Are we supposed to have every light-hearted happy-ending stricken from our collective consciousness?

If I need to see the untarnished details of the most horrific aspects of being "abnormal", I'll watch Melancholia, Girl Interrupted, Heavenly Creatures, or Silence of the Lambs. Or I'll just read my twitter feed for about 15 minutes. Or visit some of my own worst memories.

Problematic? You Don't Get How Stories Work

Some social justice media critics think that if any character acts badly, the whole story is problematic. 

I want to destroy that idea right now. 

Ka-boom.

Problematic behavior exists in real life, and it therefore should be depicted in fiction.

Why? Because those who experience these situations in real life need something relate to. And those who commit harmful behaviors need to see the harm they cause. 

I wish more social justice champions understood how how plot and theme work. Here's a quick rundown:

As Robert McKee points out in Story (a how-to book for screenwriters and novelists) a theme is an argument between two opposing values, which builds, until it reaches a final conclusion. 

It's a debate: a fictional argument. You have to show characters acting in opposition. Who will turn out to be right? The story must depict the tragic results of acting on the opposing value. If no character behaves badly, the conclusion will ring hollow. 

If you make a movie to combat ablism, you must depict ablism. To make a movie combatting sexism, you must portray sexism. To make a movie against racism, you've got to show some racists. Otherwise, you have a boring, unconvincing movie where nothing happens. And if we successfully remove these types of problematic content from our fiction, our movement will fizzle out and die.

Combatting oppresssion
through the power of creativity

So the real proof of a problematic story is in its ending. 

We can tell by the ending that the theme of Benny & Joon is, "Developmentally disabled people are capable of, and have the right, to make their own choices." 

The movie refuses to justify Benny's abuse of Joon and Sam. It condemns his behavior and then offers him redemption in a very simple form: Stop treating your sister like a child. Let her grow up and follow her own path.

An ableist movie would have sent a smiling Joon off to live safely ever after in an institution. The theme would concluded: "Disabled people cannot think for themselves, so they should live out of sight lest they offend our sensibilities or hurt someone."

Sadly, it seems that Ms. Tibbetts might have preferred that message.

What Seems Problematic Is Actually Good Storytelling

Benny has taken care of his sister since their parents died. He resists putting her in a group home because he thinks she won't be happy there, and he wants her to have some level of independence. This is admirable.

But he isn't perfect. He is patronizing and overprotective. Moreover, he's in the difficult position most caregivers are: It's hard to care for someone with special needs. It sets limitations on his free time, money, social life, and energy. He's under a constant emotional drain.

According to Tibbetts, "Benny & Joon deals far more with Benny’s 'unfortunate' situation of having to care for his sister than it does with Joon herself. Yes, although it does speak to Joon’s creativity, her spirit, etc., it doesn’t address the fact that Benny's kept her infantilized most of her adult life." 

Firstly, the stress of caregiving shouldn't be so flippantly dismissed. It's clear in this movie that Benny simultaneously loves his sister, enjoys her company, and is becoming resentful of the distress she causes him. This is a realistic situation, and an understandable reaction. As an autistic mother with autistic children, I know this all too well.

Secondly, the movie does far more than address Benny's well-intentioned but misguided mistreatment of his sister. This is, in fact, the whole point of the movie, as is shown through dialog, over and over again. 

For example, Sam has been pursuing a job at the video store, where he hopes to capitalize on his special interest. But Benny thinks Sam should make a living as a performer. Sam resists this idea, and in the confrontation, Benny and Joon discuss Sam like he isn't there: 

This is what addressing ableism looks like.
Benny comes off looking like a big huge jerk in this scene.

"What is your problem?" Benny asks Joon. "This is his chance to do something, be somebody."

"He is somebody," Joon replies.

"Yeah, I know, but he wants to be more."

"You don't know what he wants."

The argument for autistic agency couldn't be any more clear. Joon is addressing Benny's tendency to infantilize Sam, and by extension, her. And since she's a strong female protagonist, she stands her ground against the onslaught.

Then Joon turns and invites Sam into the conversation, and the couple tells Benny, in not so many words, that they're "together". 

Right on cue, Benny blatantly denies Joon the agency to choose who she loves. He violently kicks Sam out of the house. When she defends her rights, he becomes physically violent with her and decides he's going to send her to the group home, because she can't make good decisions.

Here she is robbed of agency in a very literal way: In the home, she will have no freedom or independence whatsoever. 

Benny, after their fight: "Can I get you anything?"
In my head canon, Joon replies, "Yes. A new brother!"

Benny's attitude is ableist and misogynist. It's the well-meaning paternalism that mentally and physically disabled people have come to expect from real people everywhere. 

Ms. Tibbetts can't seem to see how she, too, reflects this attitude in her review, or how it denies us freedom, agency, love, and the ability to be represented with these qualities. She tries to speak for us in the same way Benny speaks for Sam and Joon, an allist who assumes she knows what we want, what media we should or shouldn't relate to or find meaning in, because she knows what's best for us. 

And that makes her a Disability Ventriloquist.

This scene further drives home the point that our greatest problems come from allists who continually try to force us into unnatural and unfulfilling ways of being: whether it's in career direction, institutions, rigid social expectations, abusive teaching techniques, or through certain abusive therapies.

In a later confrontation with Sam, Benny becomes even more abusive. His behavior crosses the line into bullying territory as he is both violent and verbally cruel to Sam: 

"You wanna know why everyone laughs at you, Sam? Because you're an idiot." 

The comment stings in this context, and the word carries with it the harsh power it once had before it started being so casually tossed around. The same hurtful power the "R" word still carries. 

Just to be sure he's clear, Benny puts all the venom he possibly can into his voice and follows up with, "You're a first class moron."

Oh no. You did NOT just say that.

In response, Sam displays that uncanny human insight that we autists are often capable of. He looks past Benny's aggressive outward behavior and pinpoints Benny's deeper issue: "You're scared," he says. Then he asserts his agency and condemns Benny: "I used to look up to you. Now I can't look at you at all."

Sam's simple statement stops Benny. In that magical Hollywood moment, Benny realizes how he's mistreated Joon. 

As soon as he sees her, he lets go of her, offering her autonomy, a chance to live on her own and to choose her own relationships. 

"I'm through making decisions for you," he says, driving the theme home. 

She rightly doesn't trust this change of heart, and during the ensuing argument, she displays the same uncanny autistic insight skill as Sam: "You need me to be sick," she accuses. 

Of course this has been true in the past. But Benny has changed. When the doctor pressures Benny to put Joon in a group home ("Joon, we want what's best for you"), he gets his chance to prove his new course in the movie's final thematic pivot. He stops the doctor and says, "Why don't we ask Joon what she wants?"

Conclusion: Joon is a human being; stop treating her like a child.

The Feminist Angle

There are few women in this movie. Two men fight over the girl. These are good flaws to point out. 

But I'm also of this opinion: No movie can, or should, escape every problematic trope. When you're throwing new ideas at an audience, you've got to stay focused. If you veer too far from what the audience expects, your point gets lost. 

Here's a film that tackles the theme of disability in an impressive way. This argument would have been diluted with sisterhood themes, had Benny instead been Bernadette. 

Moreover, we got to see a rarely depicted male character: a nurturing and loving brother who sacrifices money, relationships, and free time, to take care of his sister. This important portrayal helps defeat patriarchal macho-male stereotypes.

Or imagine if Sam was instead Samantha. In 1993, no one would have gone to see the movie, and even today, the disability theme would be completely obliterated by a more controversial LGBT theme.

Tibbetts criticizes the film for giving Sam's talents more screen time than Joon's. But we actually spend far more time following Joon. She is the first person we see, and Sam isn't even introduced until 20 minutes in. We already like her, so we don't need to see dwell on her talents. (Plus, it's kind of boring to watch someone paint.)

Sam is the manic pixie dream boy, who exists solely to liberate Joon from her cloistered, sheltered life. We're not rooting for Sam to win Joon; we're rooting for Joon to win Sam. It's a reversal of the boy-meets-girl trope, so we're watching Sam through her gaze; we need to see what she likes about him. 

So manic. So pixie.
#Swoon

After all, she is the one doing the choosing. And that portrayal gets two thumbs up from this feminist.

Mental Health Services Are The Answer?

Ms. Tibbitts claims the movie doesn't show Joon getting treatment of any kind. I have to wonder if she fell asleep during the scenes with the aforementioned doctor. In one scene, Joon exits a personal session which I assumed was therapy. She is also on medication. 

There is no reason to assume this suddenly stops just because Joon moves out. We might also hope they are able to get social services. Those details are the sort of boring minutia reserved for Wikipedia, government websites, and clinic pamphlets. Not for the ending of a movie.

Ms. Tibbitts' attitude seems to imply that getting help is easy and safe. It is not necessarily either. Most disabled people are pressed for money, professional help is expensive, insurance doesn't cover most of our needs, and social services are severely lacking and difficult to navigate, especially for people on the autistic spectrum. 

Even when we can find a way to pay for it, and get through the paperwork, mental health services are desperately in shortage, in what USA Today calls a "man-made disaster".

From:
http://www.afaa-us.org/storage/documents/OAR_NYCA_survey_Current_State_of_Services_for_Adults_with_Autism.pdf

Worse, there are many dangerous programs and therapies that cause more harm than good. Controversy surrounds even some commonly accepted practices. 

A news story about abuses at the Judge Rotenberg Center
just last summer. Yes, including electroshock therapy. (Aug 2014)

Moving into a group home is not all happiness and daisies. As the doctor in the movie says, "These are very nice places," but they always say that. Institutions are often rife with all manner of abuses, ranging from neglect (and here), to electroshock therapy, to outright beatings and rape. It's nice to think those barbaric practices are a thing of the past, but we can't count on it.

Yes, therapy, meds, treatment are often beneficial. But it's dangerous to pretend these solutions are the answer for every autistic person. It bothers me to no end when allists carelessly toss them out as if it's all solved. It most certainly isn't.

For some autists, love is the only available answer. And many don't even have that.

Strong Disabled Female Character

Ms. Tibbetts' review concludes, "…the underlying message [is] that all Joon really needs is a stable romantic relationship rather than a stable relationship with herself, especially in relation to functioning in the outside world…" 

Thanks for your concern Ms. Feminist Lady, but I like myself fine.
Oh, and also?
#Swoon

Sorry, but Joon likes herself just fine, and neurotypicals be damned. She makes her choices and continues to assert herself against a powerful force that seeks to completely take away her freedom. Through meeting Sam, a fellow autist, she finalizes her already-begun self-actualization. She is liberated.

She isn't cured or changed. Instead, the world changes to allow her to live as she chooses.

This is what the neurodiversity and anti-ableism movement is fighting for. We wish to be accepted without having to force ourselves into the mold society expects of us. 

Yet it's by this mold that the reviewer judges Joon. She implies that Joon isn't in a stable relationship with herself unless it's in relation to the neurotypical world. Her relation to herself, only to herself, as a hetro woman in love with another disabled person, letting him provide for her so she can make art, doesn't seem matter. 

In the end, Joon and Sam don't let ableist messages control them. And neither will I. I won't let Disability Ventriloquists speak for me. No matter how well-intentioned they are.